african crane

The cat died.

Another cheerful post from me. After a year and a half of illness my cat Lucia died. I found her on the floor and she was too weak to stand. The good thing was that it was during office hours so we could take her to the vet. I knew we'd have to have her put to sleep. She apparently had a lot of abdominal tumors. Her eyes were still bright and clear. It was so hard to watch as she died. We had her cremated. The other cat Leon looks for her every day though it's been over a month now.
We had the carpet torn out of most of the house because Lucia had ruined it. We had tile put in. It looks really nice.
 My idiot husband doesn't think curtains and area rugs are an essential part of home furnishing. I picked out a set of curtains and some throw pillows and he decided that was my birthday present!
My husband Mike was in another car accident tonight. No one was hurt and the car is just scratched. Badly scratched. I've been warning him to be more careful and he just says I'm nagging. He totaled the car about a year and a half ago and been in two minor accidents since. He just does NOT pay enough attention. I don't know what to do. It's not just our insurance rates, what if Mike gets seriously hurt again? Or killed? Or kills someone?
Other cheery news, my father in law has lung cancer. It seems to be in the very earliest stages so we're hopeful. God I'm so depressed. I think I'll go watch TV or something.
One really good thing- the bird watching has been good.

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    background from Torchwood
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baby, face

I need to update my user pics.

I  need more Torchwood ones. I also need to add newer ones of  my niece. I just got two dolls. Fashion Royalty Isha Cannes Edition and NP Veronique on a 1st generation articulated body. I want to swap heads on the body with a Candi Manhattan Moods doll. I love her face and hair but her body is low grade Barbie type. The Isha character is supposed to be a movie star from India, you know, Bollywood. She's very beautiful.
No change in the cats. It's been chilly lately and they hate that.
I've been reading a lot of Torchwood/ Dr. Who fic. The quality varies quite a bit but I'm learning which writers I like.
We got sick during our trip up north for Christmas. I'm still getting over the worst cold I've had in years. Long flight delays both ways.  It would have been worse but I made such a fuss about flying on a connecting flight during a snowstorm that my husband agreed to change flights. We got a direct flight later in the day. We were staying with his perky optimistic parents who didn't take me seriously. It started snowing hours before predicted in Chicagoland and our connecting flight was in St. Louis. The storm came from that direction so I knew it would be a mess there. So I was right, ha ha ha. I hate perky optimists! I don't want things to turn out bad, I just like to be prepared. Of course I wanted to wait until Sunday or later until the weather cleared and I was better. But that would have cost a lot more. We were delayed about two hours but with a direct flight it doesn't matter.
I guess I'll save my deep thoughts for another day.

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    Songs from the Fred and Ginger marathon on New Years.
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Still Not Dead!

It sure has been a while since I last posted. My husband is much better except for a suicide attempt a few days ago. He wasn't really trying. His back  is much better. I'm holding up. My brain changes channels. I moved on from Barbie dolls pretty fast, there are a lot of cool collector dolls out there. I haven't been sewing though.
Chia the dying cat is officially not dying any time soon. She's sickly and can only eat baby food but otherwise is OK. She's 15 years old.
I stopped reading the news mostly and it's helped alot. I just get too upset. Besides dolls I've been watching "Chuck," "Reaper," "Samantha Who?" "Stargate Atlantis," and "Torchwood." I'm watching House but I've been concentrating on Torchwood and Doctor Who.
We're going up north to spend Christmas with our families as usual. I hate all the travel. I love watching my nieces and nephews open their gifts. The oldest one is 10 and they all get so excited. I'm hoping to video conference via Skype with my sister in LA and my sister in England so Christmas won't seem so empty without my Dad. I really want to see my niece out in LA. She's about 21 months old now.
So things are going OK.

Thirteen is boring, they should have kept Cutthroat Bitch. Also ditch Foreman and Cameron. Too many characters. Not nearly enough Wilson. Ditch Taub too, we already have a philandering Jewish doctor.

baby, face

Not dead yet.

My dying cat has now been doing so for over a year. She seems OK, not well but OK. I also am not dead yet. Been busy being depressed and stressed out. My husband had back surgery. They fused 3 vertbrae. Then he was sent to a physical rehab place which surprised us. I had to stay in a hotel for 10 days cause the drive was too long. I also get panic attacks when I drive. Then I've had to do everything for him since he got home though he's back to driving. Being mentally ill means having almost no ability to handle stress. But I'm OK.
I started a new hobby or restarted an old one while away.  Doll collecting. Bought some Barbies. I'm going to make clothes for them as soon as I get enough space cleared out to work on. That's a big project in itself. Got some done though.
Next time I'll actually read everybody's journals.

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oh snap!

Things aren't looking up. We did get 2.5 inches of rain though.

I've been more depressed than usual. My husband is in constant pain and is finally scheduled for back surgery. I hope the surgery works. I also hope nothing goes wrong.
Got some really cute photos of my niece. She's got pigtails now! She's 15 months old now and weighs 21 pounds and is 31 inches tall. 
My brother posted photos of his garden and yard, lot's of them. He's a good photographer and excellent gardener but I think 5 photos would have covered it. He's taken up welding and is working on a grape trellis. He already made one for the clematis. 
I worry about my sister and her husband in England with all these terrorist attacks. They don't live in London at least.
The cat is still not dead.
I've been reading tons about politics lately and I think I going to have to stop, it's so upsetting and depressing. It's seriously affecting my health.

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    Kelly Clarkson
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african crane

Hi, I'm not dead!

I've had a tough 2 months of dealing with depression but I'm getting better. "House" isn't helping much with this long boring arc about Foreman. Just leave already! More time for Wilson!

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Though I haven't been doing much besides rereading the same 10 books one of my sisters has visited France and now she and her husband are going to Spain. They live in England so it's not far but I'm still jealous.
My niece GG has learned many signs in baby sign language. She still doesn't speak except one word they think is "kitty" and she just learned the word "done." She's 14 months old and very active and interested in the world around her. She learned to walk and is quickly moving on to running. I found the cutest little swimsuit for her. It's a green bikini with a pattern of tropical leaves. The cute part is the fake grass skirt- it's a baby hula dancer costume! GG should have fun just playing with the skirt.

My writer's block continues. I actually wrote out in my head a crack!version of the House season finale but I still can't put it on paper or screen. At this point I'm beginning to hope Wilson gets killed off so I can stop watching House. 
I started watching a telenovela again, "La Otra" starring Yahdira Carillo. She's so beautiful. It's a variation on the old evil twin/ good twin plot. Silly but I like it, My Espanol isn't as rusty as I feared.

baby, face

My sister needs a kick in the ass.

I don't have time to address some things because it's late and I'm too pissed off at my sister. I just need to write about it so I can relax.

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 There's nothing like having financial dealings with someone who thoughtlessly walks all over your feelings. She really doesn't understand why I'm upset. She's well meaning but very self involved and insensitive. She cannot comprehend the fact that she's very self-involved and insensitive. I've basically given up trying to explain it to her. She used to complain about our Dad but she doesn't understand she's more insensitive than he ever was. Also, he was cranky with her because he knew she considered every minute spent with him a burden. We've always called her "Mary the Martyr" behind her back, all of us. Anything she does for a family member is a terrible burden she'll be complaining about for years. Nobody has asked her for anything in many years (except Dad, he was old and lonely) but that doesn't shut her up. If all else fails, she'll force her help on one of us. It's not just actual assistance that is a barely tolerable burden to her noble self, it's spending her precious time with any of us.

I timed it once. We left our house at 11am, drove to the airport, waited, flew, got a ride and arrived at my in-law's house at 6pm.  7 hours and hundreds of dollars. Then we spent the night and drove up to my brother's house the next day, another 2.5 hours plus tolls. Sister drives 20 minutes from her home. Guess who spends an hour whining about how busy she is and how she sacrifices so much time to be with us... for Christmas? Her, not me. Of course we see my husband's family too but there's be no point in going up to see her or my brother, they are too busy. He's better than she is. A week out of our lives is as much as 3 hours or so out of hers I guess. She has no clue but now our sister in California doesn't want to visit because it's a longer, more expensive trip for her and her husband's family is in California. I don't know why I don't give up trying to communicate with the Martyr except she really does mean well.

I have told her she whines too much and doesn't appreciate how good her life is. She did seem to understand that. She and her husband really do work very hard but they have a nice life to show for it. Lot's of people work harder and don't. She would be happier if she could appreciate how good her life is. Excellent health, still in love after more than 20 years, wonderful me as a sister ;) a big house with a big yard and a big sunroom and two level deck. They built the deck and the floor for the sunroom themselves and built their own pond. They do work for what they want. But they get it. How many millions work 80 hours per week at crappy jobs to pay for the dump they live in? People with kids? And to complain about how tough things are to me! I don't get a career, I don't get kids (she could have had them but didn't want to) I don't even get to volunteer.  I actually am grateful for the limited life I have, most of the time.
Sister was stuck with much of the work of arranging the funeral for our Dad.  She alone has to execute his Will. It's mostly simple but even simple means lots of paperwork. And pressure. She doesn't want anyone to think they were treated unfairly. Since I'm crazy Dad set up a trust for me. She has to do lots of work for that. She decides how my money will be spent. Since she plans to put her share of Dad's estate into retirement savings she has it stuck in her head that I should do the same. I want to pay off our car and credit card bills. That will increase our monthly income a lot. I don't want to tie up this windfall until I'm 65. I don't know how to tell her that there is a good chance I won't live that long. I go through bouts of suicidal depression regularly, have been much of my life. How many times can I survive being seriously suicidal? I do everything I can to protect myself but the odds are not good. It's just statistics.  Oh, I'm thinking of changing the name of my journal to Ray of Sunshine ^_^

baby, face

(no subject)

My niece turns one year old tomorrow! She's able to walk several feet as of this weekend. She understands about 8 words for certain.  She seems to be turning into a strawberry blonde. I was just looking at some photos of her as a newborn. Her hair was black.
Weather continues gorgeous. Those little birds are palm warblers with a few yellow rumped mixed in for confusion. There was a great blue heron out back in the retention zone.
My husband's back pain has gotten much worse, I'm glad we're seeing the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. Mentally he's been stable.
I've started a telenovela version of House. I'm not sure if I'll  post it. It's partly a way to practice my Spanish.  I need to figure out how to do Spanish letters and punctuation on the computer again.  

baby, face

Things are better.

My husband stopped the Vicodin and went back on his old pain med. It works better and doesn't seem to aggravate his delusions. He's like a different person when he's psychotic. People don't understand that I'm not dealing with the person they know when this happens.
My cat is getting better, she's almost back to normal. She's almost 15 years old and has a failing liver so I think that's why a minor injury hit her so hard. My senior cat is close to 16. He was a stray I took in. She came from the Humane Society. My whole family has a policy of adopting, not buying pets. Of course, some of us are magnets for strays. Want a cat?  Just wait a week or so, one will show up.
The weather has been fantastic. I'm writing this on my laptop out on the screenroom. There are lot's of little birds around. Really tiny. I can't remember their name but they are also called "butter butts" because of the yellow on their rears. The cats really enjoy watching them.